Karaoke Rockstar and Thriller/Rain Jacket in One

Saturday Night- I went out with my girls Tiffany and Colleen. We started at Stoney's because that's the sports bar where I watch football. I wanted to catch the LSU game before we went out. I started the bar in my LSU t-shirt and then towards the end of the game, I switched over to a black tank top and a lavender grayish purplish jacket that I bought earlier that week. I was excited about the jacket, but all that was about to change:

I guess I should have expected it really. I watch football with all boys. It was like 7 to 1, as soon as the jacket came on the comments came out. It started off simple enough.

Boy #1: What's with the rain jacket?
Me: This is not a rain jacket. It is just a fall jacket.
Boy #1: Oh

An undetermined amount of time goes by. Boy #2 approaches.

Boy #2: That's a nice looking rain jacket.
Me: It's not a rain jacket. It's just a jacket. Like for the fall. (I say the last part with confidence.)
Boy #2: Oh
Me: I am going to do karaoke tonight. What should I sing?
Boy #2: Maybe Michael Jackson.
Me: Why Michael Jackson?
Boy #2: I think it's the jacket. Reminds me of Michael Jackson.
Me: (eyes rolling) Whatever.

I turn back to the game. A few more minutes go by. My friends Colleen and Tiffany show up. We talk for a bit. Boy #3 approaches to say goodbye.

Boy #3: Emily, I am outta here girl. Sweet rain jacket. I didn't know it was going to rain?
Me: (A little force in the voice) This is not a rain jacket. It is just a simple fall jacket.

Boy #2: (Turns as he hear me state my fact.) Smile creeps on his face.
Me: Why does everyone think this is a rain jacket?
Girlfriends: We think it's CUTE!
Boy #3: Hey, I am sorry (runs away as quickly as possible)
Boy #2: Emily, I really do like fashion. I like your jacket.

Boy #4 approaches and stares at my jacket for a second.

Boy #4: Emily, if this is not a rain jacket. What is that zipper doing in back at the top of your jacket.

Me: I freeze up a bit. I know what they are thinking. My jacket I have been defending has a hood zipped up in it. Damnit. They are going to call this a rain jacket.

Boy #4: Unzips zipper, rolls out a hood, and places hood on my head.

Me: OK so it has a hood. But does this jacket feel waterproof? Ha! I win! (I then ask them to roll the hood back into the zipper pouch and quickly change the subject.)

An undetermined amount of time goes by. Fun girl chat. Yummy whiskey drinks. And then Boy #5 takes a breath from flirting by the girl next to me. He looks up at me and a wild look creeps into his eye.

Boy #5: Emily, what is this Jacket that you have on. I must try it on. It's all Thriller-like.
Me: And here we go again.
Boy #5: Please let me try it on.
Me: No
Boy #5:(Un-deterred)
Me: Will you leave me alone if I let you try on the jacket?
Boy #5: Wild look in the eye.
Me: Here you go.
Boy #5: Does Thriller dance.

So needless to say. My jacket was a hot topic with the boys, but not in the sexy way. It was only in the Thriller rain jacket way. Whatever way that is.

After the jacket talk, we went to karaoke. I however did not choose Michael Jackson. I chose Bonnie Tyler. I chose "Total Eclipse of the Heart." And let's just say this tone deaf bitch got down. I may be tone deaf but I like to think I have a stage presence. In fact, my friend Colleen came to the stage to sing with me and I shooed her away. Sorry Girl! But never mess with a karaoke diva during a "Total Eclipse of the Heart" Solo.

10 Weeks of Dedication, Hard Work, and Car Bombs

July 15, 2010 was a new day for me. I was about to embark upon a difficult journey. I was beginning my training for the warrior dash. The warrior dash, for those of you who do not know, is a 3 mile race up the side of Copper mountain at an altitude of 9,700 feet of death. It is also littered with obstacles such as  cargo nets, mud pits with barbed wire, and leaping over flames as you race towards the finish. You are rewarded for your feats with a sweet warrior hat, a turkey leg, and a brew. I will not lie my intentions for signing up for the race were skewed 20% for the feeling of accomplishment 10% because obstacles and playing in mud sounded like fun  and 70% because I needed that cool warrior hat. There was only one problem....I could not run a mile, let alone 3 miles.

The last time I probably tried to run more than a mile was in high school when I was forced to run the "zig zag" while in Dysfunc PE (Yes, for those of you who did not attend my HS and were not Creekers.....people who did not play sports actually had to go to a P.E. class called Dysfunc, as in Dysfunctional.)  What makes things even worse, is that I asked my friend Colleen, who had just finished a tri-athalon, to participate in the festivities with me.

This is how I happened upon the Irish Snug Run. Every Thursday a local bar called.....you guessed it.......The Irish Snug, hosts a 5k run. The run is free and it goes around Cheeseman Park. Afterwards the bar rewards you with free spaghetti and salad.

The bar may have rewarded peeps with free food; however every week, I rewarded myself with a Harp and a car bomb.  Then after 10 runs you receive a free running jersey. It makes you official. I just had to have one of these jersey's.

All this sounds fun, right? Well let's go back to that fateful day of my first run. I was pumped up and ready to go. It was my first run so I was prepared for a lot of walk/jogging. But for some reason on that day, my brain saw myself being a lot more bad ass then I really was. My brain had thoughts like, "3 miles...eh....can't be that bad." "I bet I could run at least half of this shit before I have to walk." So let the races begin.

I begin to jog with Colleen (tri-atholon completer). After the first two blocks, talking is a no-go. At least on my end. Colleen is chatting like we are sitting down at a bar enjoying a beer. Oh what I wouldn't give to be at that bar. After 3 more blocks, I started to sound like I could be in Lamas class (sh, sh, sh, phew....he, he,he phew).  3 more blocks and done. Finito. I had to walk. Let's just say my first run did not meet all of my brain's expectations. My brain was just a little too cocky. Big Ego.

But I never gave up. I continued. And by week 3 I could jog the whole thing. Even the Botanical Hell of death. Get it...I switched hill with hell! This fat kid was even able to do the Gin Mill run on Tuesdays, every once in a while that is. For those of you who don't know the gin mill. Oh Boy. You start at a bar. (Starting to understand my running patterns...hehe...running and bars go hand and hand.) Runners basically sprint 2 miles, do a leg strengthening boot camp, and then run the last mile home. Let's just be nice and say I am the caboose in that train. Let's also say that the 2 dollar vodka drink I had at the end of each run was the most refreshing vodka drink ever. And even though that run made me feel like the fat kid in gym class, I still got my Bootlegger Jersey:

The warrior dash came and went. And I had to make the decision. Would I stay with the Snug? Would I be able to dedicate myself to at least 10 runs for the jersey?  I mean I had missed 1 run for Happy Hour, 3 runs for pre-season football. But I stuck with it, and this past Thursday I hit run number 10!!!!! Ding, ding, ding.....winner winner, chicken dinner!!!!!!! I am an official snugger!!!! After I completed run number 10, I did the usual....chug a water, chug a car bomb while toasting myself, and then drink a Harp while I waited for free Spaghetti:

And then another. (My camera phone gives people demon eyes):

Colleen, Tiffany, Me

And then my moment had arrived. It felt like a real awards show (at least in my head). Plus the 2 car bombs had made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I had run 3 miles for 10 weeks and now my Jersey:

Not only did I feel accomplished,  I have made a lot of new friends from all the runs. I even have my own little running crew. They don't even mind that I still suck at running- despite 10 weeks of trying. But like the little engine who could, I will keep on keeping on! So I will leave you with this pic of my cool warrior hat. The need for this hat is what started it all.....running, new friends (Colleen, Tiffany, Mike, Jeff, Karen, Greg, and Alex...Thanks!), bad ass running jerseys that make me look all legit and shit, and of course lest we forget my love of car bombs:)

I am now the Universe's Bitch

Last night I started reading a book. What book, you ask? We shall get to that later. But the book talks about noticing omens, listening to the universe, following your destiny, doing what you love, and learning that dreams are the purpose to life and when you realize your dreams you realize your purpose. So on and so forth,you get the point. So, I have decided to try it out. I am going to listen to the world, and I am going to be the Universe's Bitch. If you are thinking bad idea, Don't:) I am now 27 and still have no idea what I want out of life (other than to be happy of course) so what could this hurt.

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed. I went to work and got things done; I felt accomplished. At 2 o'clock I went to pick up a 19" LCD TV.  If you are wondering why I went to pick up such a tiny TV in the middle of a work day.....it's because the universe told me to........just kidding.

The real story goes like this. The other day my co-worker Mel said my name could put in a drawing for FREE Budweiser merchandise. All I needed to give her was my name and address. My first thoughts should have been, "Free Bud Schwag, what am I in college?" But like George Washington, I will not tell a lie (unless I cut down the cherry tree of course.)....Or wait was that Abe Lincoln?.....Anyways I am a little behind in the growing up/maturity level thing, so my actual immediate thought was, "Fuck Yeah! Put my name in for the free Budweiser Schwag!

 Being someone who wins nothing, I forgot about the whole thing. But I now have the Universe on my side, and a week later a card comes in the mail. I open it cautiously thinking a.) junk b.) I forgot to pay a parking ticket c.) I forgot to pay a bill. I almost threw the card right back into the mail holder because  Denial and "what I get in the mail" go hand in hand, but that is another story....back on topic. I open the card and I see WINNER- 19" LCD TV, I almost threw it away. A scam. I was even walking to the trash can when my eye caught glimpse of the giant Budweiser Logo.  Yes!!!!! I had actually won something!!!!!

So back to present day. The guidelines for picking up your free gift were strict. So at 2 o'clock I left work to go to Budweiser for my gift! For now it is staying in the box, and yes I checked inside to make sure it was there.

I would like to take this time to sidetrack for a thank you. Dear Mel, thank you for being a boozer with me. Thank you for knowing I would enjoy Bud Schwag! And I am sorry, you never got your awesome beer cart:) It would have made a great addition at work.  This moment would not be complete without a ridiculous picture of us boozing it up together. Hehe! Oh boy!

Ok. Now back to today. I came back to work with my new TV in tow. I was not about to leave it in my car and let it get stolen. You see my trunk is full of random storage at the moment, so the TV would have had to sit in the back seat. NO WAY! Not my free TV!

I get back to my cubicle and I have an email awaiting me that says my package has arrived. I knew exactly what this package was. It was my 5" brimmed black floppy hat! Another great note to a great day! I immediately rush to the elevator as my package is waiting for me 1 floor below. And here is when things get even better. If you know me, you know I love a good eye candy. Especially a good eye candy with sexy hair. And there it was a sexy hair eye candy also waiting for the elevator. This made me nervous at first because usually I am super awkward on any elevator ride. Just imagine it gets worse when eye candy's around. I usually just stare at my feet, or awkwardly stare, or sigh, or say something about the weather. All bad and awkward things.

Well today was different, I had the universe on my side. I mean in one day I had work accomplishments, a new free tv, awesome floppy hat, and eye-candy elevator ride. So instead of awkward stares and weather talk, I blurted out, "Today is a great day." Now some may argue that this statement was awkward within itself. I think the universe made it work for me. Either way (awkward vs. conversational genius) I was about to get my first live peek at my new floppy hat.

************************WARNING HUGE SIDEBAR AHEAD*************************

Proceed With Caution

So you wondering about my purchase. Well let's take another quick sidebar (Don't get angry it was duly noted above). My friend Calla is throwing a huge benefit for an amazing charity (Pencils for Promise). The benefit is themed, and I believe it is well known that I heart themes. The theme is, "When I Grow Up." You are supposed to come to the benefit dressed as what you wanted to be when you grew up. This idea is genius...you see the NGO builds schools in third world countries so that children everywhere can be what they want to be when they grow up! Hence the inguenity!

I began to think.....when I was a little girl what did I want to be when I grew up? Nothing came to mind. However I did remember picture after picture of me in a gold lamet dress and a black shoal. I usually pranced around sassily -and according to my little sister, bossily- in the outfit. I made a joke at lunch club that I must have wanted to be rich when I grew up. What a great costume idea they thought! I was satisfied with the idea, but I still needed to know if I had any grown-up ambitions as a child. I called my mother immediately. It was the middle of the work day. Conversation goes like this:

Me: "Hi Mom. Whatcha Up to?"
Mom: "I am at work. What's going on?"
Me (Serious Tone): "Mom, I wont keep you long but I need to know something."
Mom: "Ok (sound of the contstanant k trailing off in the background.)"
Me: "Mom, What did I want to be when I grew up?"
Mom: Silence
Mom: "You know I can't really think of anything in particular."
Me: "Yeah I couldn't think of anything either......(small sigh.)"
Mom: "Well let me think on it for a bit (Spoiler alert, nothing ever came of this.)"
Me: "Well I remember that Gold Lamet dress and shoal. I made a joke that I must have wanted to do nothing but rich."
Mom: "Well that sounds about right."

And the conversation soon ended. I was a teensy bit sad that my childhood self had no ambition, no dream, no drive. (Especially since the book I am reading states, "We learn our true passion for life when we are young.") Of course as a little girl, I played house, teacher, and what not. But I never had a specific dream to be anybody...Well, except for a girl in a gold lamet dress with a black shoal.

When I was little, I even had a birthday party where everyone came dressed as adults....they had to be  fancy. We had a tea party and a three tier cake, and of course in true fashion I donned my gold lamet and black shoal. At 7 or 8 years old, I had a birthday party that could basically be themed, "Small children pretend to be wealthy."

Scarily, this childhood ambition of mine to "do nothing" corresponds with my current life. I still have no ambition, and I still have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.  This is just another reason why I am currently the universe's bitch.

So back to the floppy 5" brimmed hat- I decided to dress as "Rich" at this party in November. And the floppy hat is part of my costume. More details of the costumer to come later. But I will give you a sneak peek. Wait till you see it on.

**********DETOUR ENDS HERE******************

After all this things could surely not have gotten better, but then I returned to my cube with my awesome hat and decided to check out one of my favorite websites ever. It is a blog, but not just any blog...its an awesome blog! It hasn't been updated in a couple of weeks and I have been so sad. But once again, lest we forget whose side the universe is on (come on people you have to get this by now.) I open the page and bam............. amazingness. A great new hilarious story about cake....................... http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

How much greater could a simple day be.

Ok. So the book I have been reading about destiny and listening to the universe. It is an international best seller and an easy read. But before I tell you more, let me mention some of the other books I've read in the past few months.

Girl with the Dragon Tattoo and the sequels- First book hard to get into but very good; end drags out a bit but ends with a surprise. Second Book could not put it down and the end (I won't say more).  The third book is closure.

The Help- Loved It! Easy Read and Very Touching. Portrays the old south in an accurate way. This book made me ask my mom why Mimi had a small bathroom with only a toilet in the laundry room. She swears it was not a bathroom for the help.

Water for Elephants- Another easy read. It is about the circus, which at first made me hesitant, but I loved it. If you just want to read a good story, this is it!

And now the current book I am reading is:

This is book can be as deep as you take it, but it is also a good story. I have a feeling this book will be read several times. But for now it has just made me the bitch of the universe.*  I hope that all you people out there are also reading some great books. If you have a suggestion, make a comment.




*Please note I do take this book very seriously and "bitch of the universe" is a crude phrase that I use in good blog humor.

Not A Strawberry Mango.....

I traveled to the Un-Safeway down the street for a carton of OJ. As I was making my way to the chilled juices, I had to pass through the produce section. There was the normal, apples, bananas, berries....and then a strange piece of produce caught my eye. Stranger than anything I had ever seen. I stopped, stared, and wondered- what is this thing? where did it come from?

My impulsive nature set in and I immediately reached out and grabbed it.  Owie!!!!  Apparently I did not think that the giant sharp pointy things would actually be so sharp and pointy. It was of oblong football nature. The outside color was somewhat of a translucent yellow, with a pinkish color piercing through. It was also, as previously discussed, covered in sharp pointy things. I had to have it, but I also needed to know what this strange thing was called. I looked at the signs and saw Strawberry Mango. If a Strawberry was mixed a mango, I could imagine nothing but deliciousness.

I came home and immediately ran to my roommates room to show her my great find. "What is that," she asked? With glee I shouted out, "It's a Strawberry Mango!" My roommates gf looked at me like she did not quite believe that's what the fruit actually was. I handed the fruit over in confidence, but apparently, my imagination had run away with me again. She looked down and looked at me and said, "The sticker says horned melon." How could that be? And more importantly where in the hell did I get strawberry mango from? Apparently smart people know you can't mix a strawberry with a mango.

Needless to say, I then lost interest in the fruit. Left it on the corner for 3 days. It got bad and I just threw it out without even tasting it. $5.99 and crushed dreams later, I decided to take a picture of the fruit before I threw it out.

Please keep in mind the piece of fruit was getting bad, so this photo does not show all the glory of the fruit that was  a strawberry mango for 10 minutes of my life. It also does not really justify the sharpness and pointedness of this slightly demonic fruit:

Somebody Needed the Weekend and It was Definitely THIS BODY!

9:00 A.M.- Headed to Starbucks. I knew I needed caffeine, but little did I know how bad. I approached the Starbucks counter to the friendliest face I have ever seen. Everyday I go into Starbucks, and I order the same drink- Iced Non-fat Caramel Machiato. Today was no different. I wanted the usual, but on this Friday awkwardness was about to go down. "I would like an Iced Caramel Iced Machiatio Iced Venti Iced....(3 second pause while I embarrassedly looked at my feet) and then I just blurted out non-fat like I had Turrets. The girl just looked at me, for what seemed like 10 seconds, when all actuality it was probably 1 or 2 seconds, and said "So you wanted the Caramel Machiato Iced?" She then proceeded to laugh at me because I had made the most awkward Starbucks order ever. She even mentioned she heard me say the word Iced 4 Times! The embarrassment did not end there. She asked for my name so she could write it on the glass (typical), but she also drew a "silly face" and wrote the word Iced on it just so we were positive the order would be correct. What a nice surprise when I received my drink.....Don't believe me:

This would not be the first "Silly" thing that had happened to me this week. Let's just say that I spent Tuesday morning at the DMV. I guess I should take everyone back to Sunday Night. I had spent the whole day watching football. It was a gorgeous day, and I decided to walk the mile and a half home, rather than call a cab. The walk was great, but at the end of my journey I noticed a shortcut. Ahead of me was a 5-6ft concrete wall/ledge. I decided if I hopped over that I could save myself about 3 city blocks. I went for it. Everything was going great except for the fact that I had decided to wear flip flops that day. When I hopped onto the sidewalk, the flip-flop actually flopped underneath my foot. This caused my big toe to scrape across the concrete. Let's just say that my toe lost the fight against the sidewalk. A whole layer of skin gone. OWIE!

But the story doesn't end there. When I got home I realized my license was, (Duh Duh Duhnnnnnn) GONE! There are two things that could have happened. 1.) It fell out of my purse as I catapulted over the wall. 2.) It is Fall, the weather got chilly, so I pulled my sweater out of my purse on the walk home, It could have also fallen out then. But the truth of the matter was, it was gone. Finito! So I had to go to the DMV on Tuesday for a new license. So Owie Toe, Lost License, Can't even use my words to order my everyday coffee drink. Lets just say, that I opened this at 4 o'clock on the dot today at work:

And the Initial Chapter Begins

Ok. If you are reading this, you just found out that for some reason your good friend Emily has started a blog called LOST on Soggy Waffles. Your initial thought was probably WTF. Your immediate second thought was probably....Well, you never know. It is Emily.

However before I break the suspense and explain my title, I would like to let you know why/how this whole thing started. My amazing friend and cube partner Calla (Louisiana friends remember her name, she will be brought up a lot) has to "Listen"/"Talk" to me almost all day, every day. She gets to hear about my wonderful friends and family in the south and all of my daily excursions (good or bad). Today for the 3rd or 5th time she has let me know that I should start my own blog. Then later this evening, I was enjoying a pork chop and a screwdriver when I decided, "By-joe Calla, I think your right!"

So here we are. A girl with no computer skills has started a blog. I mean, I have a lot to learn. Look at my blog background for Christ's sake....it was the generic template that was available. I tried to go to the advance tab to update the background, but WHOAH....Way too Scary! Baby Steps, Baby Steps! Also, I have no idea what to write about each day? I mean I want to learn how to keep this blog "Goldilocks". You know, not too much, not to little, but just right. That won't happen for a while. But I am guessing your already knew that. Oh and lest we forget... my conversational writing skills are not the best. Be prepared for run-on sentences, unnecessary commas, and the excessive use of ellipses.

Ok, now that you know to expect far from perfection, we will move on to the next subject. What is this blog about? Everyone in the blog world has their niche, but......get ready......enter Emily. This blog is for anything and nothing. It can be used to update you on the events of my life, let you know my random thoughts of the day, for pictures, to let you know about any random cute boys, to let you know about any "deep discussions" I've had in my favorite conference room or wherever;), or to simply let you know how irresponsible or dumb I can still be as an adult ( cough, cough...not knowing that the  shift key could be used for CAPS). Anyways, just so you know, my main blogging reason  is to keep my closest friends from back home updated on my life, as if  I was still with you in Louisiana. It is also to entertain my friend Calla and others in Denver , who are just plain bored at work.

Ok, it's almost my bed time, so I guess I should finally allow you in on the reason behind my blog title. Duh...duh...duhnnnnn (that is the dramatic movie climax sound). My friend Calla's original thoughts on a blog name/theme had to deal with the dirty dirty south meeting the wild wild west. I loved it! But, blog titles are catchy, and since I can't even create a background, I needed a catchy title.

So, I began to think, and for some reason I began to think of compasses. And then I became distracted. My mind began to drift to the series finale of LOST. And then it kept drifting. What if I could live on an island where the Louisiana Southern and the Colorado West could somehow splice/merge into perfect harmony. And then before I knew it, back to compasses. And then a few seconds later I was thinking of third grade....you know when teachers teach you how to remember directions.  "Never Eat Soggy Waffles." And I then began to think of the 2 places I love.......the South (Soggy) and the West (Waffles). Then my mind left compasses and went back to me thinking of this LOST Island where everything I love about the South (Soggy) and West (Waffles)are combined....but yet my thoughts were slightly weirder because my mind was on LOST. And then my brain decided to merge all my thoughts at once. If I were LOST on this island.........the coordinates would somehow be the south (soggy) on top of the west (waffles). Not like a normal compass...In fact, the exact opposite. And I would be LOST on Soggy Waffles! So if you get it or not....there it is! I am going to leave you with this thought tonight, but won't leave you for too long. Because I have to tell you about the fabulous floppy brimmed 5 inch black hat I just bought, and why I bought it:)

But can't leave the blog without a, "what is going on picture?" of Calla and I! Calla, I love this silly pic! You have on the, "I am trying to dance and we have taken 20 pics face." I have on the "Just one more" face:)

But we  do need more pics STAT!