Becoming Dolly!

So you thought the costumes were finished, well you were wrong, very wrong. The actual day of Halloween was on a Sunday, and you know what else is on a Sunday? SAINTS FOOTBALL! They were to play the Steelers, and after a few upsetting games a good spirit was needed.

I decided to dress as Dolly Parton for the Sunday game! Being Dolly would be hard, especially since I do not share any facial features with this amazing lady. But one thing was obvious, I was going to need some extremely large breasts. How to obtain these? Well with a little creativity of course! (Did that last line remind you of Mary Poppins, because it did to me, oh, good idea for next Halloween....Mary Poppins! I would get to pull ridiculous things out of a large handbag!)

Ok, so back to the boobies! I originally tried the easy route! I went to the costume shop and walked up to the first salesperson I saw. This salesperson happened to be male, but I was not deterred. I looked at him and said, "Where are the fake blow-up boobies." He looked at me for a second and then said, "Let me check." To my surprise, they did sell fake boobies, but they were sold out. "Seriously, are you kidding me....how many costumes need fake boobies?!" So then I thought balloons, but I remembered the crowd I would be around. Boys that still like to do things like pop a girls fake boobies! So it finally came to me, a Styrofoam ball would be perfect! It became even more perfect when I purchased the ball and it said (well if you can read upside down. It said 'Make it FUN!':

All I needed was some flesh colored paint a DD bra. Done and done! Then I found a late 70's Dolly concert red jumpsuit, a microphone, fake eyelashes, and some red red lipstick!

Although I didn't necessarily look just like Dolly, I tired to channel her by listening to, "Islands in the stream" multiple times. I put my big fake boobies on and squeezed them into my flashy red jumpsuit. I also applied my fake eyelashes (very badly by the way), darkened my eyebrows, lots of eyeshadow, lots of blush, and lots of red lipstick.......and I then considered myself as close to Dolly as i could ever get! I called a cab and headed to my sports bar. When I got out of the car, I could already smell the shrimp and jambalaya. They did it just for us Saints fans at the Halloween game. Food was great! Dessert was also great! Dessert was a Purple Haze Abita Beer fresh out of the keg!!!!!!!
Needless to say, I had to take a picture. I call this one, 'Empty Food dish with Shrimp tails and an Abita Beer atop thy breast.'

After 3 of those Abitas the game started! Intense game watching face had to go on, and since I did not have on a hint of gold or black, my headband had to come on! Now this took away from my Dolly look, but how much did I really look like her in the first place? The boobies were still around.

Then after the first quarter, a Mardi Gras mask was added. Then lots of yelling and cheering. Then FEISTY Emily! You see, I am watching the game at a Saints Bar, and there is the most obnoxious Steelers chick fan in the bar. She has a shrill voice and sounds drunk....you know the kind you want to punch in the face without even thinking.  Every play she could, she made the most obnoxious scene. I tried to hold my tongue, but we all know how I can be a few beers in.  Actually I am proud of myself I held it until the 4th quarter. That means 3 quarters of shrieking! And right before the Saints made a TD, she thought the Steelers did something amazing so she started her shrieking. Then, Saints TD. I literally jumped out of my chair, then on top of my chair...Yelled Who DAT! The first Who dat was on top of the chair while trying to pump up the crowd. Which worked and made me feel more powerful. I then proceeded to hop off my chair, in all my Dolly/Saints GREATNESS! And took two strides over to the Steelers fan....ready bitch, time for a taste of your own medicine! I proceeded to shout a little who dat into her face and maybe even said something about liking those apples. And then back to my table. More game! More winning! And then the 2nd LINE!

And in case you did not know! The 2ND Line umbrella in my hand......I made!